My wife's cousin Alan is a real prince of a guy. Perhaps that's why, twenty years ago, he decided to move to England, where the people were already familiar with princes...or maybe it was to escape his Clement cousins, many of whom can be royal pains, but are in no other sense regal. I suspect it was just because Alan is smart, adventurous, and knew a good deal when he saw it.
Alan is a high school teacher for the U.S. Department of Defense. For the last two decades he has taught the children of U.S. military personnel on bases in England. When he first started this adventure, Alan was young, unattached, and a lover of travel, so it seemed like the perfect fit. Now he is a little less young, still unattached (but that might change soon), and still an avid traveller. On his frequent return trips home, he would often invite family members to visit him in England. Maybe he was just being polite and didn't really think anyone would ever take him up on his offer. If that's the case, he made a big mistake.
As a teacher of English literature, Ann has long been an Anglophile. We had visited the U.K. separately before getting married, and had travelled there together on two different trips since being married, but our schedules never allowed us to connect with cousin Alan. Ann always thought how nice it would be if several of the first cousins could "cross the pond" to visit him at the same time, but circumstances never permitted it. But then, in the summer of 2006, that would all change.
Let me state from the start that I never thought it would happen, and I was proved wrong. The Clement cousins are a head-strong group of rugged individualists (this is putting a polite spin on it). Getting them all to go in one direction at once is like trying to herd cats. So when Ann made plans for us to visit Alan, I was shocked when Joan, Darrelyn, Dana, and Linda Rae all were able to follow suit. Our itineraries were each different, and we would each be in the country for different lengths of time, but for four glorious days we would all be at Alan's home, in the town of Marlow, in the Thames valley, about an hour west of London. In addition to the five girl cousins, there would be four husbands (me, Darrelyn's husband Boolie, Linda Rae's husband Steve, and Dana's husband Darrell), two college students (Linda Rae and Steve's sons, Ben and Matt), and one six-year-old (Dana and Darrel's son Connor). The Clements were all excited. I, on the other hand was frightened, not for my own sake, but for the sake of England itself. I had read how, down through history, the brave resolve of the English people had survived Roman occupation, Viking invasion, Norman conquest, the Spanish Armada, and the Blitz. I was not so certain, however, that England could survive a full frontal assault by my in-laws.
Before telling you how it all ended, let me digress a moment to discuss our travel experiences in the U.K. more generally. What a truly great country it is! Ann and I have spent more time in the U.K. than in any other foreign country, but we still feel as if we have barely scratched the surface.

London is the starting point for most tourists visiting the U.K. for obvious reasons. It is one of the world's great cities. Perhaps due to England's history of prominence in world affairs, being in London makes one feel as if he is truly at the center of the universe. There is so much to see that the visitor risks being overwhelmed. For this reason, I heartily recommend one of the hop-on, hop-off buses to get started. Be sure to get one with a live guide for the best value. Some buses come with a recorded program and earphones, but this is mainly to provide commentary to foreign language speakers. The live guides are funny, entertaining, and enthusiastic about their city. They will point out all the attractions, give interesting background information, and answer any questions you might have. I would normally recommend staying on the bus for one complete circuit to get your bearings and decide what attractions you want to see. Then, on the next circuit you can debark at your chosen attraction and hop back on when the next bus comes along. Buses make their rounds all day, and one ticket is good for the entire day. You might want to make an exception if your plans include any scheduled event, the most common being the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. If you want to see the changing of the guard (and I recommend it), be sure to get to Buckingham Palace early to reserve a good spot. The good viewing areas fill up fast.
Another good way to see London is to take a cruise on the Thames. The tour boats leave the dock at Westminster and travel up and downstream with a running commentary provided by a live guide. Some of the best views of Tower Bridge, the Tower of London, the Palace of Westminster, and Big Ben are from the river.
Finally, even though it may seem like a kitzchy thing to do, try a ride on the London Eye. The views from the clear plastic pods across the Thames allow you to take in many of London's prominent attractions in one sweeping vista. Connor had a great time identifying the various landmarks with the help of the handouts we were given with our tickets.
There is, of course, much more of England to see outside of London. During our various stays in England, Ann and I have visited Kent, the Cotswolds, the Lake District, the Yorkshire Dales, Stratford, York, Leeds, Cornwall, Devon, Bath, Plymouth, and many other areas as well. We have also toured portions of Wales and Scotland. In future updates I'll discuss these areas in detail, but for now, let me return to our story of the Clement invasion...
On the day that we all converged on Alan's house in Marlow, Alan was not at home. He and a friend were spectators at the British Open. We proceeded to make camp as best we could, but even though Alan's house is roomy, the large number of guests stretched the facilities to the limit. For sleeping, we had to utilize every bed and sofa, and even to inflate a few air mattresses. The bathroom situation was also dicey, but invading armies should expect a few minor deprivations, I guess. Our plan was to stay in Marlow for the day, then to tour London en masse the next day. By the time we arrived back in Marlow, Alan would be back. On the next day, we planned a barbecue with some of Alan's teacher friends (Duke, Fredo, and Kerry) and his landlord, Tony. We would spend the following day (a Sunday) watching Alan play cricket with his local club; then, on our final day together we planned an outing to Windsor.
Marlow is a very pleasant, prosperous, medium-sized town. It is not particularly famous for anything, and most of the town is "new" by English standards. It is only a few miles from Henley where a very tony regatta is held on the Thames each year. Mary Shelley lived in Marlow for a short time, and it was here that she completed her most famous literary work,
Frankenstein. There is a very pretty bridge spanning the Thames in the center of town, and a typical Anglican Church, parts of which are very old, but most of which was rebuilt in the 1800s.
The Compleat Angler by Isaak Walton was also written in Marlow, and there is a very nice hotel on the river with the same name. Alan had become a member of the rowing club, which resides in a large building on the river near the bridge. Marlow's high street was a busy place, filled with tidy shops, and there were a number of good pubs. Conveniently, a train station was located within walking distance from Alan's house. After exploring Marlow, the gang retired early, as we knew that tomorrow in London would be a busy day.

We arose early for our sojourn into London. We had to if we were all going to get a shot at the bathroom before leaving. Remarkably, everyone managed to get assembled on time for our short walk to the train station, and then we were off! When we arrived at Paddington Station, we got our bus tickets, but traveled only as far as Buckingham Palace, where we staked out positions to watch the changing of the guard. Perched atop Darrell's shoulders, Connor got the best view. After the ceremony, rather than wait for the next bus, we hiked the short distance through St. James Park to Westminster. Here we toured Westminster Abbey, got photos of Big Ben and Parliament, stopped for a hotdog lunch on the banks of the Thames, then enjoyed a ride on the London Eye. We caught the bus again at Westminster and stayed on for almost a complete circuit until debarking at the Tower of London, where we spent the rest of our day. Obviously there was much more to do in London, but this made for a full day. Many of the gang slept on the train ride back to Marlow. Alan was there to welcome us back. I am only sorry I didn't get to see the look on his face when he entered his home to see the mess we had left it in, but, like a good soldier and polite cousin, he didn't let it show.
On the following day, Darrell, Dana, Connor, Darrelyn, and Boolie returned to London for more sightseeing. The rest of us decided to stay in Marlow and help Alan prepare for the barbecue. Alan has a great group of friends, and our barbecue was a fun and festive affair. We were even able to forgive the fact that Duke is an Ole Miss fan. Fredo's younger daughter Mari, a vivacious two-year-old charmer and natural comedienne, managed to keep us all entertained, and England was having an unseasonably warm spell, which made us Southerners feel right at home. As usual, the food prepared by Ann and Joan was great. We partied well into the night, since the next day (Sunday) would be another day of leisure.
Most of the crew slept late the next day, but by noon we all assembled for a short walk into town for "Sunday Roast" at one of the local pubs. English food is often disparaged, but Ann and I have always found it delicious, particularly the type of food served in pubs. After the meal, we hiked along the banks of the Thames to the local public park where Alan was already suited up for his game of cricket. We had been given a crash course in the rules of cricket by our English hosts at the barbecue on the previous night. I'm still not sure I understand it, but the friendly Brits on the sidelines were good about explaining things to us as the game progressed. I'm still not sure exactly how well Alan played, but I know he stayed at bat for a long time, which I think is a good thing. It was a treat to be in and among the locals in a place not heavily populated with tourists. We felt as if we were experiencing the real England. We returned to Alan's and retired early, knowing that our last day in Windsor would be a busy one.

Windsor was only a thirty-minute train ride from Marlow. In addition to the castle that serves as a major residence for the royals, there is a charming surrounding town with great shopping, and many restaurants with nice views overlooking the river. Eton College is located there and is well worth a visit. We enjoyed an outdoor lunch on the banks of the Thames, then descended on the castle where we spent most of the day. Windsor Castle is the oldest and largest occupied castle in the world. William the Conqueror chose the site and had a fortress built here on a strategic bluff overlooking the Thames, about one day's march from the Tower of London. It was designed to protect the city from attacks from the west. Various monarchs have added and altered the original structure through the centuries. It is truly magnificent.
Ann and I have toured numerous castles in the United Kingdom. It is difficult to say which is the "best," but Windsor is definitely one not to miss. The main feature, the round tower, was built by Henry II in the 1170s, replacing the original wooden structure built by William the Conqueror. St. George's hall, a traditional venue for state banquets, is 55 meters long with a table capable of seating 160 guests. St. George's Chapel, begun by Edward IV and completed by Henry VIII, is considered one of the best examples of medieval architecture in the world. Ten British monarchs lie buried there, and several royal weddings have taken place there including that of Prince Edward and Miss Sophie Rhys-Jones. In 1992 a major fire occurred at Windsor, beginning in the private chapel and eventually involving over 100 rooms, comprising about 20% of the castle. The massive restoration effort over the next five years was completed ahead of schedule without any cost to taxpayers.
On the train ride back to Marlow we reflected on everything we had seen over the last few days. All were in agreement that England is a wonderful place, and we all vowed to return to see more as soon as possible. As we mentally prepared ourselves for our flight back home, I felt great relief that, once again, England had survived. The Clement invasion of 2006 might not be remembered by historians in the same way as the Norman invasion of 1066. Nevertheless, knowing what I know about my in-laws, I can now rest easily, secure in the knowledge that there'll always be England!
Here's a tongue-in-cheek video...enjoy!