"Incontinence on the Continent" or "Wet Your Pants In France"

My wife Ann has always wanted to visit France. The Clement family has its roots there, though its exact point of origin is still a bone of contention. Separating fact from fiction in Clement family lore is often difficult, if not impossible, but most family members agree that three Clement brothers (Fergus, Stanislaus, and Theodore) immigrated to the U.S. in the early 1800s to avoid conscription into Napoleon's army. I should note, however, that this description of events was not popular with at least one family grande dame, Ann's great Aunt Lessie. Aunt Lessie was infamous for her stalwart belief that Clement family members could do no wrong, often in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. When the story of the Clement brothers was told at one family gathering, she characterized it as a "damn lie," declaring angrily that "Ain't no Clement man ever dodged the draft!"

Whether the story is true or not, I have no idea, but regardless, we eagerly anticipated and prepared for our Trafalgar coach tour of France for months in advance. Ann thought about doing some research to try to dig up some long-lost relatives, but I strongly discouraged it. My reasoning was clear: As "colorful" as they might be, at least her current relatives in the U.S. have had two centuries for their gene pool to be diluted. What if we found that their homeland was some isolated village where family members had inbred for twelve centuries? Imagine all those "colorful" family traits distilled and concentrated through the ages! That thought was enough to scare her off.

I was also a little apprehensive for another reason. Having just recovered from (very successful) surgery for prostate cancer, I was feeling well, but still not always confident about bladder control. I was afraid that when a Frenchman whispered, "Oui, oui, monsieur!" that I might automatically look down to check for accidents. Nevertheless, (and I hope this doesn't constitute "too much information") I armed myself with the best space-age incontinence paraphenalia available on elderstore.com and hoped for the best. Ann, sympathetic as always, titled this trip "Incontinence on the Continent" or "Wet Your Pants in France."

Ann's first cousin, Joan, accompanied us on this Odyssey which lasted two weeks. Our trip began and ended in Paris, making one big clockwise loop around the country. I don't think we ran into any lost Clement relations, but we had one great time. Our itinerary is described below:



Except for a quick trip to Notre Dame on our first evening, we didn't see much of Paris on the front end of the tour. That would be saved for the end. We left Paris early the next morning, heading south toward Burgundy. Our first stop was the pretty Burgundian town of Beaune. Here we toured ancient wine cellars and got our first taste of fine French burgundy.

After leaving Beaune, we continued to head south toward Lyons. Lyons is located at the confluence of the Rhone and Soane Rivers. We had a chance to see the beautiful cathedral located there, and were treated to a delicious meal in one of the city's best restaurants.


On our next morning, we left Lyons and headed south toward the region of Provence. Many tourists would say that Provence is the most beautiful region of France, although my vote still goes to the Loire valley. We were able to spend two nights in Nice, and although the weather was not ideal, we thoroughly enjoyed our stay here. We were a little early for the summer rush. For the most part the beaches were still deserted. But it was easy to see why the area became a favorite haunt for the "beautiful people" in the early part of the twentieth century. If you travel to Nice, be sure to get up early enough to see the charming flower and vegetable market set up each morning just a block from the beach. Also be sure to check out the nearby medieval fortified hill towns of Eze and St. Paul de Vince, or visit Cannes where the annual Film Festival is held. Monte Carlo, in the principality of Monaco is well-known for its beautiful harbor, its profligate wealth, its high-stakes casino, and the Grand Prix auto race which runs right through the middle or town. Superstar Elton John has a villa in scenic Cap Ferrat just down the street (we didn't get an invitation to visit it).

Leaving Nice, we headed west toward the Pyrenees and the Spanish border. We enjoyed our morning stop for lunch in Avignon, where we saw the Papal Palace. A series of French Popes ruled from here during the early 14th century when political pressures resulted in a split Papacy. After leaving Avignon, we headed for our next overnight stop, the medieval fortress city of Carcassonne. The Romans were the first to build a fortification there about 100 B.C. Numerous additions to the fortifications have been made by various groups down through the remaining centuries. The city was a stronghold for the Cathars in the Albigensian Crusades, but eventually fell to the forces of Simon de Montfort. During the Hundred Years' War, the Black Prince was unable to capture it. The restoration of Carcassonne has not been without controversy. The slate roofs, for example, look nice but would not have been seen during medieval times. The shops within the fortress selling cheap trinkets such as plastic swords and shields are turn-offs to some purists who think it gives the place an aura of phoniness. Nevertheless, the tourists seem to like it if the crammed parking lot is any indication.



After an overnight stay in Carcassonne we continued to head west through the lovely pilgrimage site at Lourdes to the Atlantic coast resort town of Biarritz. Biarritz was a favorite vacation spot of Empress Eugenie, wife of Napoleon III, who had a palace built there. It is now a five-star hotel. Biarritz lost some of its luster as a resort town in the early part of the 20th century with the rising popularity of the French Riviera, but is still beautiful.

From Biarritz we headed north toward Bordeaux, a pretty town at the mouth of the Garonne River, and capital of the wine region that bears the same name. After touring the city proper, we visited a local vineyard to get a first-hand look at the methods used to grow the vines, harvest the grapes, and make the wine. We also toured the picturesque wine village of St. Emilion. This was Joan's favorite part of the trip.


Next, we headed east along the Dordogne valley, in what was to be one of the most scenic parts of the trip. Villages along the Dordogne river are built directly into the steep cliffs, and many ancient cave dwellings can be found here as well. Our original plan was to take a cruise on the Dordogne which would have taken us past several of these settlements. Unfortunately, the water was too high to allow river traffic, so we had to settle for visiting just one, the village of La Roche-Gageac. Although we were somewhat disappointed that our cruise was cancelled, seeing La Roche-Gageac up close was a special treat. It is consistently voted the prettiest village in France, and it is easy to see why.

When we left the Dordogne valley, we headed north on our way toward another of France's major rivers, the Loire. Before we could get there, though, we had to pass through the city of Limoges for the obligatory gift shop stop. Fortunately, Ann was not much in need of porcelain, so our checking account emerged relatively unscathed.


The Loire valley is home to some of France's most magnificent castles or chateaux. It would take months to visit them all, but we were treated to a tour of one of the most spectacular, Chenonceau. Chateau de Chenonceau was built on an old mill site on the River Cher some time in the 11th century, or perhaps earlier. The original structure burned, and a second was destroyed before the present castle was built between 1515 and 1521. Chenonceau became infamous when it was given by King Henri II to his mistress, Diane de Poitiers. After Henri's death his strong-willed and jealous wife, Catherine de Medici, who ruled as regent, expelled Diane and adopted the castle as her favorite residence.

Leaving the Loire valley, we headed north toward Brittany and one of France's most popular tourist attractions, Mont St. Michel. Mont St. Michel is a rocky tidal island located at the border between Normandy and Brittany on France's northern coast, near the mouth of the Couesnon River. It was previously connected to the mainland only by a thin natural bridge that was covered at high tide. Modern developments have changed the topography so that the land bridge is now a true causeway and is no longer flooded. Dikes were built that formed pasture from areas that were formerly coastal plain, bringing the coastline much closer to the island and destroying some of its former charm. Nevertheless, the sight of Mont St. Michel rising suddenly from the flat coastal plain is still breathtaking.

From Mont St. Michel, we began to head northeast toward the beaches of Normandy where thousands of lives were sacrificed in the cause of liberty. Before visiting Omaha Beach, we toured Pointe Du Hoc. Pointe Du Hoc is a clifftop location about 6 miles west of Omaha Beach where the Germans had installed a fortified battery of guns which would have posed a serious threat to Allied landings on both Omaha and Utah Beaches. Even though the area had been subjected to repeated bombardment, intelligence reports suggested that the fortifications were too strong and would require attack by ground forces. The U.S. Second Ranger Battalion was given the task of destroying the stronghold early on D-Day. Prior to the attack, the guns were moved approximately one mile inland. Even so, the concrete fortifications which were still intact would have posed a major threat to the D-Day assault had they been occupied by artillery forward observers. Despite initial setbacks, the cliffs were scaled and the stronghold assaulted successfully. The guns were located in their new position and destroyed. The major losses occurred after the initial assault when the Rangers, determined to hold this vital ground, fended off several German counter-assaults while still cut off from reinforcements. At the end of the two-day action, the initial force of 225 men had been reduced to only about 90 who could still fight. Six miles west at Omaha Beach stands the dignified memorial to all who lost their lives there. The pristine cemetery where over 9000 Americans are buried is truly awe-inspiring.

We headed west from Omaha Beach, back toward Paris where our tour would end. Paris was a wonderful and pleasant surprise. Since Ann and I were both raised in the country, our favorite places to visit are usually not large urban areas. But Paris was enchanting. Our only complaint was that we didn't have the time to explore the city properly. The things I remember best about Paris are the beautiful vistas. The view from the Place de la Concorde along the Champs Elysees toward the Arc de Triomphe, for example, is stunning. The flickering lights of the Eiffel Tower viewed from the Trocadero will never be forgotten, and Louis XIV's palace at Versailles is the grandest of all royal palaces. My favorite part of Paris was Montmartre. I think it's the most colorful part of town with the most Bohemian feel. Our short time there was marred by the fact that it was miserably crowded, but we are looking forward to returning there during the off season to see it again.

One final note about France: A lot has been said and written lately about anti-Americanism in Europe, and particularly in France. All I can say is, that I certainly didn't see it. I often hear as well, that the French are rude, but I found them to be extremely polite, genteel, helpful, and accomodating. There are some cultural differences, to be sure, but certainly not moreso than in any other country I have visited. I could write a lot more about France (I didn't even mention the food), but I'll end it here. If you are considering traveling abroad, think about France. You won't regret it!

Here's a short video to give you a better idea of all the sights we saw. Hope you enjoy it!



If you would like to see all my pictures of France click here. (Takes you to a different page).

Dave